Left Out

How do I live with myself?
How do I live constantly doubting myself?
Not an ounce of faith in my being
Not one to believe
That I could matter
Nobody needs me
Nobody wants
To spend time with me
Not a word that's witty
Not a word that's funny
There's just no substance to me

I feel alone
Even when I'm not
I feel alone
Like I'm out of frame
I feel left out
And that's not gonna change

Rejection is a stabbing bitch.

Confused

How can I be so obsessed about someone who I have no right to?
It bothers me when someone doesn't reciprocate my efforts
Even if I wasn't interested
It makes me feel wanted
Especially when it feels like a crush
You want it even more
It hurts me to imagine someone going out on a date
Someone not wanting to reply
Ignoring me
It hurts so much
Yet I know it's irrational
Unnecessary
Even just as friends
I wished you'd reply
Thinking about your every move
Hurts me and bothers me
It's no one but my fault
Cause I shouldn't worry or obsess about it
It's stupid
I'm confused

Cry

Some people don't cry.
I do.
I love to cry. Cry my heart out.
When I'm sad, when I'm stressed.
When my heart is broken.
There is no better mend than to cry.
It's as if the tears took all my sorrows and hurt
And got washed away.
I'll never have to see it again.
I love you.
And I will always get hurt by you.
Because of how much I need you.
Because of how much I want to be with you.
But you can't always be near when I need you.
So I cry.
I feel better.
Tomorrow is another day.
Or maybe after this.

Christmas and Malaysia Intro

I have obviously not updated for a the longest time.... as usual. I go into a hiatus once in a while.

I have been away to Malaysia for quite a while and been jet-lagged since I came back. I am having extra difficulties sleeping tonight which is super annoying....

Just a little update about what I've been up to. I have been working nights over Christmas Eve and Day. Obviously didn't get much sleep over the period cause loads of things happening. On Christmas Day, went to church and caught some sleep. Then woke up fairly soon later cause we'll be having dinner lol... It's a lot happening in one day. What made it worse is that I had a really horrible cold with sore throat and fever. It was giving me a headache as well. I was very miserable...

Then again, I was going home soon on Boxing Day!! So was very excited. Mr Dino took me to the airport on that day. All was good until I stepped out of the car, walked a few steps, checked my pockets and realised I have forgotten my phone :( And Mr Dino is away, in the motorway somewhere... I went in, quickly sent him emails in hope he will reply me in time. Checked in and everything and continued emailing him and trying to contact him on Skype. I even tried bought credit to call my own phone and all that... But by the time he replied, it was too late. I was already inside. Oh well.. good thing I brought my other spare phone and decided to buy a Traveller Celcom Simcard when I reached KLIA. 

I had a pretty horrible trip on the flights this time around because of my stupid cold. The service and everything was fine. It was just me.. and my crap immune system. Also, I got the worst blocked ears during flights ever. On a side note (not a complaint), I had to change seats 2 times on the flight back to Malaysia. First, I was called up just before boarding to change my seats cause someone else wants to sit with their family. Fair enough. Then, I got an aisle seat which I was pretty happy about but then someone else came along and wanted to change seats with me cause she and her son had been separated.. I can't really say no. So, I ended up in the middle seat... That's me changed seats twice. 

Reached KLIA, went to LCCT and arrived in Sibu. Sigh, it's nice to be back. And then the food fest begins....

Week 8/12/13

Where do I begin? I have been busier for the past weeks + laziness + procrastinate.....= no blog updates ahhaha

I can't remember what significant events had transpired. A lot I'm sure. But if you ask me to recall it just now....uhhhh. Oops. Don't remember.....

I have pictures! As a lot of my posts are. I shall try to write as I can remember while I start posting heheh.

Lets start with some random news.

I passed my ATLS! So happy. I am doubly happy cause I failed my written exam first time and then have to resit it last Friday and PASSED! So I have a lot more reason to be happy hahaha. I just feel so proud of myself lol.

Mr Dino ran the 5K in the Santa Dash today. Took him to the run this morning. Was pretty funny looking at all the people in George Square dressed up and all that hahah. I didn't run, of course. I went to Queen Street Station and had a coffee.... :p

I have also submitted my literature review and crossing my fingers. It was such a depressing week and I have not worked so hard since my uni days....-_-

Right piccies...

Went to Silverburn after nightshift one day (which is something I do quite a few times dy) to do some Christmas shopping. Everytime I'm in Silverburn, I always stand in front of this cupcake stall and drool hahaha. They look so freaking delicious.... I just need to have them. Usually, I feel guilty about spending money and put weight on but that day, I just wanted to have some. A lil treat for myself.....:D

The Bumblebee Cakehouse 

Look at the colourful different cupcakes!! 

I got half a dozen but there are so many different types as well...  

Woooooo 

My first one - Ferrero Rocher 

Continuing with the theme, more food!! This is from a dinner session from the ATLS course I attended. Price of the course that I paid is included in the dinner...so I was defo going!! It was at Mulberry Bistro in Shawlands.

 Haggis, neeps and tatties

Fish and chips. Yumms for both and was soooo full by the end of it.

Right, I can't remember if I mentioned it, I can't even be bothered to check lol. I find it easier to just talk about it again lol...

So, we got a puppy. Well, technically, Mr Dino's mum paid for the puppy and we are sharing custody? He is soooo cute and his name is Bruce. I mean......

LOOK AT HIM!!!!! 

Awww Mr. Innocent Face (More pics coming up but arrangement misarranged and I cannot be bothered to change it).... 

I don't even know if you can see it, a line of birds on the railing lol. Lame I know. I found it interesting okayyyy?? 

1 pound burger after spending 10 pounds in a new Lidl branch ahhahaha. Quite nice for the price you know...

Tadddaaa. Brucie cute Brucie 

Despite his lil cute face, he is actually a nightmare I tell you. Very cheeky but very smart though

I think that's the pictures so far.

I am tired. I have been trying to do a bit of cardio from a Youtube video lately haha. It's good work out definitely. I don't know how effective it's going to be but it's good anyway. Should try and reduce my food intake as well really..... urgghhh

Oh, this is all because I'm going back to Malaysia after Christmas. Going for about 10 days, to Sibu and also KL lol. Can't wait! I've got things I need to buy to go back!! And on top of that, Christmas presents to get as well....geez.

I have things to write up as well. :((( I'm feeling more and more depressed as I write this in horror of realisation. But my brain is too tired. I just wanna sleep maaaannnnnn

Oh, I'm also going to see Zoe next week!! And Liying too!! So excited. Haven't seen them guys for quite a while now. SO it's going to be good!!!!

Busy weekends ahead. Absolutely..... well okay. Tata for now. I'm gonna go contemplate on what I should be doing but not actually gonna be doing.....

Week 03/11/13

Hey hey! It's been quite a while since I wrote here. I have been (again) partly busy and partly lazy....
So, I cannot really remember what I have been up to past few weeks per say....

I don't even have any new pictures that I could show you guys.

Well, in jist, I've been stressing out quite a bit with abundant of work that I am supposed to be doing... and I just hate having to spend all my time doing all these work. I know it's important for my CV and it's not like I dislike it really. It's just stressful to have so many to do at one time. It's not just physically exhausting, it's also mentally tiring just thinking about it! And plus, I am soooo lazy. This just makes it much more difficult....

Anyways, no point thinking or stressing too much about it. Just need to do my best and try to finish them the best and fastest I could... Pray for me? Pretty please.

Week 11/08/13

I have started a new job lately. We changed over to a new job last Wednesday. I didn't get to attend the induction on Wednesday though. I finished nights, therefore, only managed to turn up on Thursday. Didn't do much for those 2 days either.... what a skive! Settled some paperwork and occupational health stuffs. Wasn't too bad... I still need to meet my supervisor as well. I'm still not sure what I'm supposed to be doing yet at this point. It's not really been crystalised yet. I need to meet my supervisor and I guess wait till the students arrive before I have a clearer idea of what I am supposed to be doing...

Went to watch movie on Friday - Grown Ups 2. It was funny though. It's not brilliantly funny but funny enough. I enjoyed that movie. Actually, have I mentioned a movie I didn't really enjoy? Hmmmm

Bought some furniture from Ikea!! Was excited. So far, only built a red filing cabinet. I bought a cabinet thing as well which I haven't built yet. There's still things to buy and to be done but the house is coming along so well now!! I am so excited. Mr Dino is starting to do the wallpaper in the hallway. I can't wait for that to finish, cause I think it will look fab!!

Oh well, aside from that, there isn't anything much too interesting. Although my friend Rachel will be coming over to UK in May! I still haven't applied for leave yet, of course. But, hopeful that I should be able to get a few days off lol.

I am working this weekend.... quite scary. I don't remember much of my medical stuffs. I should really do a little more reading up before this weekend. Tra la la. Hope all goes well. :( And need to procrastinate a little less as well, sigh. I am pilling things up so much it's ridiculous. Anyways, another day at work tomorrow, find out what I'm supposed to be doing...

Week 02/08/13

What's upppp. It's August. I cannot believe it. I am changing jobs in a 2 days. I'm not feeling anything at all. I seriously think I'm in a bit of a denial.... 

Anyways, was on a surgical leaving night dinner and sort of a night out thing on Friday. Went to eat at Banana Leaf. Yummilicious as alwaysss.

Tasting platter that I have tried before. It's pretty nice 

My nasi lemak. I have not eaten nasi lemak for a long time now....

Went to have a few drinks in Sauchiehall Street later on with a few of the FY1s. Went to Bar Budda which is quite nice and then of to Polo Lounge. It was quite fun. One of my colleagues decided it was time for her to leave around like 1am. So I went home round that time as well. 

I would like to type a little more, however my spacebar on my laptop is not working and it's bloody bothering me to no end. I am currently typing with an onscreen keyboard and it's kinda difficult to type so I don't really wanna type to long. Continue after I get this fixed I guess.....

Week 28/04/13

I was off on Monday after night shifts. I was a busy night shift the night before/morning. And plus I was so griled at the Ortho Trauma Meeting on Monday as well, cause we had patients transferred from a different hospital and I never clerked them in. It was my mistake but it made me feel wholly shit.

Went to gym and then over to Ryan's. Went to watch movie later - we decided to watch Evil Dead.

Which was about this group of 5 people who was in this dilapidated cabin. One of them was going cold turkey on drugs. While they were there, the found that some burning and possibly witchcraft thing seemed to have been going on in the basement (cause they was some stench and they found blood stains at under the carpet). One of the guys found a book wrapped in plastic and secured with thorny wires but decided to stupidly open it anyway. It was like some Satanic book with decoded words and phrases which he decides to read out even though there was a page that says do not read the words....-_-''. So basically, he released some evil force which decided to take over the girl who was going off drugs and she was starting to act really weird, like in exorcism or something. Eventually, she started trying to kill the others and they locked her under the basement. But, the evil force spread to the rest and one by one, starting to become crazy. The guy who initially let the evil force out realised this and found that the only way to stop stop this is that the original possessed person needed to be purified either by being burnt, buried alive or dismemberment. So, in the end the brother of the possessed girl couldn't burn her in a fire and decided to bury her alive instead and then try to revive her with some makeshift defibrillator, which he actually succeeded. But before that, he was bitten by his other possessed friend and made his sister run and burn himself with the other guy and died. So, as the purified girl was about to run, it rained blood. Apparently, if the evil force got his way into 5 souls, it will rain blood and this one dead will arise from the ground and kill humans. Somehow, though a lot of ordeals and a cut of limb, this girl killed this evil dead with a chainsaw and went away. Thus, the end of the story.

To be honest, it was gory more than scary and was a bunch of malarkey.

Back to work on Tuesday. Found out that I missed a diagnosis of prostate cancer in a guy whom I didn't think to stick my finger in the backside to examine him as well. Felt even shitter. Then went for Body Jam that evening.

Work on Wednesday. Off on Thursday.

Was supposed to go to Aberdeen on Friday with Mr Dino but his classed were cancelled. :( Some students dropped out of his classes and there wasn't enough students in a class to keep it going. What a shame. So, was doing nothing much over the weekend.

Have to start looking for work and I was gotten involved in an audit as well. Which I need to finish some tomorrow. Argghhhh. And I want to start a small audit of my own as well. Which I need to think about what to do. Was feeling particularly down and moany on Friday. It had been a busy on call day and I felt like I wasn't doing good enough in terms of time management and I also decided to send a diabetic person with abscess home and return for drainage on Monday. But the consultant advised me against that as diabetic people are more prone to worsening abscesses.

Sometimes, I just feel like I'm not doing anything right at all. It's been one of those weeks where it's up and down and all over the place. Maybe next week would be slightly better.

The Week

A few things happened this week...

1. Found out I didn't get an offer for anaesthetics and so have to wait for the higher ranked to reject their offers or to wait for clearing by the end of the day... which I'm not really sure when that would be. Was really upset... but had accepted it now. Cross my fingers, pray and work hard. What else can I do?

2. Ash Wednesday just past and thus starting Lent. I decided to abstain from *dang dang dang* COCA COLA! I've already broken it on the first day...technically, but I'm going to close an eye and just say I'm starting the day after.

3. Valentine's Day also just passed! I am sad to say I did not get anything for Mr.Dino...... heheh. He got me a card *awwww* AND some pressies as well.... We ordered pizza and watched movie. It was nice :)

 oovd (outfit of valentine's day)

made some small cakes - supposed to be velvet cake but didn't turn out right, they're dark chocolate and slightly bitter.. I think it could be better 

Mr. Dino's pressies for me. *shameful* I didn't get Mr Dino anything... 

Meet the new addition to our family. This is Robin!!  

Our Hawaiian and coke lol....

4. Booked my car for a long due service and MOT as well as my tax is due soon... (more money to be spent, not looking forward to that). All happening on Monday. Also went to get quoted on how much it would take to get the dent fixed and was suggested probably better off with a second hand door. Thus, the search begins......

*UPDATE - Got the car fixed and MOTed. All pass!! Still need to get my side mirror fixed though urgghhh*

5. Found out Loon Fung reopened again!! Liying came to Glasgow with Jon and met up with her at Loon Fung for DIM SUM!! I should be so sick of dimsum by now.... It was just as yummy yummytastic!! And it was really nice to catch up with Liying again :)

6. Went to watch a Wreck-it Ralph in cinema with Mr.Dino. It was great!! Loved it. It was funny and at times, touching. Really enjoyed it!

7. Found the new flavours of Kit Kat. Found them at a newsagent shop. Tried them all and HAZELNUT is the best!!

Coconut, Mint, Hazelnut and Choc fudge!! 

Wow!!

Ending with random picture of the day. New purple trousers from Republic. Did find out it was a size too big around the waist but oh well....

Driving

A good few months ago, I was getting ready to pass my test. So I bought myself a car. I am a proud owner of a cute lil grey Nissan Micra. It's a great first car for me. But I couldn't drive it by myself because I haven't passed my test....

A few months ago, I finally passed my test!! During my 5th attempt :( But nonetheless, the ordeal is all over!! I can drive.

I have even received my official UK driving license. I have been driving for a while mainly back and forth my place and Ryan's and to work. I have not actually driven through the motorway yet.... it is still quite scary for me. And I am a nightmare during rush hour. And did I mention my parking is still absolutely horrendous... lol. But, I am getting there!! I am still driving. By. Myself. That. Is. Cool.

UPDATE
I have just made a big dent on the right passenger side of my car :( Very distraught. Thanks to my 'superb' parking skills, I have managed to drive the right side into a wall and scraped my car panel against the wall.... thus the big dent. Need to get it fixed now and I don't know how much that will cost.... It just looks horrendous right now!! WUAhhhhhhh

The Last Time I Was Back...

I went back to Malaysia last April for the main purposes of attending a friend's wedding.

I arrived in KL and went to meet my friends for a family dinner they were having. I haven't seen them for ages then!

At that point, I was pulled in to become one of her many 'ji mui'.

 At Nic's house after tea ceremony

At Hui Yan's house before the tea ceremony

My parents are at Kl with me at that time. In the evening, they will be having their reception at a hotel (which name escapes me) further away from the city, so we booked a room to stay there overnight and then we will be going back to Sibu the day after. It's the most gorgeous room I've ever been in. 

Then at night, we went for their wedding reception. 

 Then, off to Sibu the next day and met up with you guys over the period of time.

And I conclude with a few random pictures of food in KL which I forgot to add in.....

and 2 face masks from Fong - they smell so sweet by the way.